Post Transplant Day 7!

I wrote this post last night on Tuesday November 21^st…but forgot to post it!

Today has been one of the hardest days so far for Jared. He started off the day pretty good, he woke up and was very alert and happy and feeling "ok". Around 9 am Jared woke me up freaking out and talking really fast and not really making sense. He kept saying "I'm so sorry I am panicking!" he started breathing fast and this continued for about 10 minutes. The doctors came and checked him out and said he had a pretty bad panic attack that could be triggered from the pain medication he is on, because he is having so much or just the pure stress of everything going on. 


Jared's Temperature continued to get worse and higher all day today. Around 11am the doctors started him on a new anti-biotoc and again Jared had a pretty bad reaction. This one was pretty scary! The reaction he got is called “Red Man Syndrome" His head, face and neck turned bright flaming red and was painful and extremely itchy. They gave him some medicine fast and it slowly went away, but was very uncomfortable for poor Jared.  Right now Jared is trying to sleep but cant because of his 103.5 temperatures. This is pretty high for anyone but especially for someone with no immune system and is facing all these other issues as well.

Since Jared's reaction to the blood transfusion yesterday morning Jared has been very very itchy. Because his counts are at zero when he itches his skin it breaks the blood vessels and makes huge marks all over his body. He got a lotion last night that helps the itching so we apply that every other hour about. Another common thing for post transplant patients is for their skin to brake down in some places, so his armpits, behind his knees, and groin are just raw. 

Jared's throat and mucisitious issues are also still really really bad (I made the mistake of looking in his mouth with a flashlight.... out of all the really icky things I have done this last month that I never thought I would be able to do this was by far the worst. I seriously cannot imagine how much pain he much be in and how claustrophobic and just horrible his mouth pain must be. Everything all the way to his tummy and through his intestines has big soars and is extremely swollen and shedding skin...Sorry if that is to graphic but its the truth.) I feel terrible sitting by Jared's side, as he is so miserable and in so much pain even after morphine. He is so brave and so strong because if I was in his shoes I don’t know if I could handle it. 

Tonight has been the worst for Jared and also for me. You feel completely helpless as a caregiver when he is in so much pain and so uncomfortable. Over this entire Journey of two years ago finding out Jared had cancer all the way to today people have been extremely kind and encouraging. One thing that haunts Jared and I is that people always tell us how cool of a story we will have and how we are going to impact others through it. This is something several people have told us in different ways and words and it haunts us not because we are angry that this is happening and that this is our story but because we hope that when this is all behind us that we live up to these peoples words. Everyday I wonder why us? How was Jared a healthy 21 year old diagnosed with CANCER! Cancer is such a scary word, and now we are living it. I don’t ask these questions or say these things because I am mad at God or I feel its unfair, it just really is to me at least, a crazy story. I don’t know why this is our story? But Jared and I pray that we will be able to use this horrible experience for good in some way. We talk about the lessons we could be learning like.... Because this happened to us when we are so young we know that we are going to not take our life together for granted, and live it to the fullest starting now. We just pray on horrible nights like tonight that some how this story will help someone or help us in someway. We know God has a plan and we are not in control so we are just holding on tight for now! 

My Grandma Dianne has always put this verse in my birthday cards, graduation cards, and on other things. I have always liked the verse, mainly because it is encouraging and I have had it memorized since I was little. I think that this is a verse that has been popping up my whole life because in this time that is the scariest and the hardest that I pray I will have to experience for a long time, this verse brings me comfort and is one that I say to Jared when he feels his weakest. 

Jeremiah 29:11-13
   For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.
   Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with your
 whole heart. I will be found by you, and will bring you back from captivity.

Thank you for your prayers! Please continue to pray for Jared hopefully these are the worst days and he will be improving soon! 

 Putting Jared's Anti Itch lotion on.